It Is Not A Small World

When I was a child, I loved the ride "It Is A Small World" ride. I never really understood why I held a deep passion for a bunch of little dolls that were doomed to sing an incestuous song over and over again in every language that God had created.  I remember riding in the large boat and feeling that everyone was basically the same. It didn't matter where you lived or if your rich or poor; everyone goes through something. You are never alone. That thought always brought me a feeling of peace and a feeling of safety. At that time, I felt the whole world was on the same boat.

As I grew older, the world grew into a dangerous and ugly place. I began to notice homeless people, drug use, alcoholism, poverty, and abuse of every kind. Still young and inspired to change the world, I journeyed into the world of journalism. Chicago was a great town to become a muckraker.  It has been known as a city of corruption, poverty, and for a young journalist; it could also be a city of opportunity. At that time, it had to be an opportunity that I had to pass up. Beginning journalists must begin as freelancers before they are hired to be full-time reporters. Though the thought of being a freelance writer was exciting, I needed a    guaranteed paycheck, insurance, and most importantly, I needed to move out of my parents house!

It seemed that the world was not small at all and not everyone was on the same "boat". Discouraged but still determined and ambitious, I got married and got MS. I didn't have anything else to do (that was a joke!).  At that point, I still felt good about life but my view on the world changed. No longer did I see a world of happy people singing the same mind-blowing song over and over again. The realization occurred to me that everyone in the world not only wears different clothes than those on my favorite boat ride, they also wear different faces! It was astounding the way people only thought of themselves as big trees in a forest. They could only see themselves and fought hard not to be chopped down. No one now cared about extenuating circumstances or how their actions affected others. Many did not have room for "Joy" in their lives. It seemed that my perfect "small world" was quickly becoming an evil and dark place.There were hardships every where. It was during that time, I encountered sinister managers, money hungry business owners,  back stabbing co-workers, and good friends who made themselves scarce to nonexistent. My "small world" was no longer sharing the same experiences and thoughts that I had. My "small world" was getting bigger  and unfamiliar as each year past.

At this age, I now see that it is not "a small world" but it is more of a epic novel. It seems that "It Is A Small World" has a whole new meaning and here it is...

During this past week on vacation, I may not have been too far off with the "small world" philosophy.  It is just backwards.  It can be "A Small World" if you just believe it. I reside in a small world. It now consists of a 1800 sq. foot home. Beyond these walls lies mountains, rivers, forests, and most importantly people who are facing all kinds of battles.  Now as I approach my middle age years and as I face a monster that shows no mercy or consistency or predictability, I feel my war is in a smaller world than I thought. I promise myself that the next time I face new weapons of destruction, I will remember that there are bigger and badder bombs out there.

What battle are you facing right now?  Are you living in a small world that keeps getting bigger?  How has your view of the world changed now that your older?  Let me know, please!!!!

Have You Ever Lit a Candle?

As a wife, mother, teacher, and a person with MS, I have been told that I am an inspiration. I really do not feel that way. I feel that I am someone that strives to succeed in any situation. I don't think any one else in the same situation would be any different. It is my belief that if you want something go after it and if you don't like something change it. As a 38 year old female, I am now facing several new issues. I recently broke my legs which helped kicked my MS symptoms into overdrive.  I have been told that I do not recognize my limits but in fact the reality is I want to stay independent.

I am now learning to deal with a world that is different to me. At times, I feel like an alien exploring a world that accepts me through eyes of pity. It has to be hard to understand. How can I look like the inhabitants of this world but act like a walking crisis. People of this world speak a language similar to mine but they really are just nodding their head in agreement. Their body language tells you that they don't really understand. You are a foreigner and no matter how hard the struggle, it is hard for people to understand. No one ever seems happy with their surroundings. It is a strange world and God has chosen me to live in it.

It can be discouraging to choose to struggle every day when safety and comfort live in a 10 by 12 room and on a queen size bed. I have been considered a unique person with an outgoing personality. Even before MS, God gave me a high drive to overcome the impossible. I just never knew that the impossible would include the most basic tasks. Despite how I feel on the inside, every day I see how I light up the world with the tiniest spark.

Did you ever notice that a small candle can light up an entire room?

Every single person in this world has a struggle. Mine just happens to be MS.  People that surround you daily either have a flame or a burnt out candle. When you encounter people are you showing a small flame or a burnt out candle? It doesn't matter if you ever light up the whole room with a glow.  Do you have a glow?

Light a small candle right now in a dark room. If the light reflects off a flat surface you will see a big light shining off the surface. The smallest glow creates the biggest light. I know that in my short 38 years, I have shined on mine people. More importantly, people have used their small candle to make me a bright flame. There have also been times that I was a burnt out candle that had a wick so small it seemed impossible to light. Do you know it has been people not technology, alcohol, or anything else that helped light my flame?

What lights your flame? A loved one? A pet? A friend?

Even though every day my flame may needs to be reignited, I know it will just take a little spark from someone. When was the last time you told the person they were your igniter? Who helps you be a brighter flame? Have you been there to help light some one's flame? Have you been there to light up some one's life that is not a loved one or partner? What was it like?

Remember the tiniest fire can start from the smallest spark. Be a light for some one's candle. It can help you feel good and as you know fire spreads rapidly.

Tell me your story. Let's share and be each others candle!

Here is just my neighbors, friends, family, and followers.  Where are you?

What Color Glasses Do You Wear?

Are you a person who sees only the trees in the forest or do you see a forest and ignore the trees?

Please comment below your feelings.  This can help me better understand you.

What do you see below?


http://www.moillusions.com/2006/05/young-lady-or-old-hag.html

I relate this woman to my life. I think others can too even if they do not have MS. I do my best to appear as the young beautiful woman in the picture. Even on days that I feel like the old hag. It is my personal facade, my optical illusion. Don't look too close at me, you might not like what you see. 

What color glasses best suits you? Have you tried wearing different colored lenses? Do you look through glasses that only show one color? Do you only see bright colors or dark colors despite the images the world shows you? Or is the world unclear, fuzzy, and dark? What color do people see when they look at you through their glasses? Are you showing them only bright colors? Is that your "true color"?

Maybe you let people determine what color glasses you should wear. Having others determine your lenses may cause you to have a distorted view on life. Are there times in your life you choose to wear the same glasses as those around you? Why not? It avoids conflict! You are also avoiding failure. You are also denying yourself the opportunity to create your own glasses.


Do you notice that the lenses in your glasses are transitional? Are your glasses changing day by day or minute by minute?  

In traffic, you might see life in red. Other drivers might see the traffic in yellow.  They see it as a time to relax, enjoy the music, and time to breathe. This causes them to drive slowly making the lenses in your glasses a flaming red color. How frustrating! It is hard to understand how these drivers who see yellow what chaos the construction is causing!  After driving on I80 the other day, flaming red is the only color I saw. It is also the color I showed my kids.

It is the above situation that reminded me of this old cartoon. After getting to my destination, I felt like the cat did at the end of this cartoon. It doesn't matter about the challenge I had getting to my goal, it is about reaching the destination.

 This cartoon was found http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AdagShiC64

How do you handle people who insist that their color glasses are the right color? Do you keep trying to get those people to try on other glasses? Or do you avoid conflict with them and let them wear any glasses they want to?

It is important to try on several pairs of glasses before settling on a pair that works for you. By wearing a variety of colored glasses you will see a whole new world opening up before your eyes!

I am denial-now what? Things you can do instead of focusing on the negative!

1. Eat Sweets
2. Play Garden of Time
3. Start a Journal at Blurty.com-write about dreams!
4. Read a Book that makes you feel good!
5. Start a Blog!  blogspot.com
6. Bake a cake
7. Join chatrooms (see top of this blog for MS Chatrooms)
8. Get a Wii and try Wii fit
9. Organize a prized item
10. Scrapbook
11. Join OnLine Surveys (e-mail me for ideas of where to go at joym@wideopenwest.com)
12. Get a Dog (Helper Dogs Can be Free at http://www.assistancedogsinternational.org/http://www.assistancedogsinternational.org/
13. Get a Cat
14. Find a Pen Pal http://www.ehow.com/how_2173697_pen-pal-online.html
15. Read FindingTheJoyInMS.blogspot.com
16. Go to Church
17. Join a church group
18. Crochet ( I don't know how to do that)
19. Needlepoint (Can't do that either)
20. Find the Lyrics of your favorite songs and write what the lyrics remind you of (Come on name a Rod Stewart Song!). http://www.lyrics.com/
21. Call a long lost friend
22. Call a long lost relative
23. Do a family tree ancestery.com
24. Listen to your favorite music
25. Listen to a genre of music you don't like and journal]
26. Read Proverbs in the Bible and journal what one means to you
27. Change your sheets (always makes me feel good)
28. Plan an event for yourself or for a group of people
29. Go to a baseball game
30. Go to a movie
31. Make a skit
32. Call a neighbor
33. There is always laundry!
34. God always makes dust!
35. Go shopping!
36. Go Shopping online
37. Order chinease
38. Order Pizza
39. Buy Netflix
40. Help a friend
41. Find what you are passionate about and get involved with an organization that deals with your passion.
42. Find pennies or coins of ever year a person has been alive. Glue them to a frame and give it to a favorite loved one for their birthday.
43. Make a calendar.  It is free! http://familycrafts.about.com/cs/calendars/a/122900a.htm
44. Plan meals
45. Do Soduko
46. Do Word Searh
47. Do Mad Libs Funny for adults too!  http://www.madglibs.com/  It is free!  Try it!
48. Get books on CD
49. Go to the library
50. Find a diet and see how long you can stick to it. Do hours count?
51. Get friends together and go window shopping
52. Get friends together and do a garage sale
53. Do a mosiac
54. Do a class at the Park District or YMCA
55. Do cooking classes
56. Invite someone over to make a meal
57. Volunteer somewhere you can-even if this means stuffing envelopes
58.  Do a paint by number
59. Make a family tree out of pictures
60. Write a children's book
61. Play cards
62. Drink water (yeah right!)
63. Have a group at your home about something you would like to get done. Crochet group,book group, bible study
64. Volunteer to help a teacher
65. Take a bath with candles
66. Tell someone about an event in your life
67. Clean underneath your bed (I am going to make it to 100!)
68. Watch a marathon of your favorite show-see Netflix!
69. SMILE
70. Laugh at nothing and watch people stare
71. Buy pillows
72. Get a haircut
73. Eat Ice Cream
74. Eat steak
75. Smell someone's feet
76. Crank call your neighbor
77. Make spaghetti sauce
78. Buy a plant
79. Have a baby powder fight
80. Make a pizza
81. Smell a flower
82. Try to walk around the block (wear shoes!)
83. Make Smoothies
84. Make Tacos
85. Find missing socks
86. Put names on socks
87. Smell new crayons
88. Hug a stranger and see what happens
89. Watch the weather channel
90. Buy a new outfit
91. Investigate a place that you always wanted to go and get pictures
92. Make curtains and hang them
93. Make scrambled eggs
94. Plant a tree
95. Take Vitamins
96. Paint your nails
97. Look through old photos
98. Go to a spa
99. Walk on the beach
100. Make a list!

You can't handle the truth!

Hopefully, Jack Nicholsen is ringing in your ears. We all have something to hide. We hide certain facts and realities to save drama, hurt feelings, to deny reality, and to avoid conflict. Come on, you know it is true!  How many times has a friend asked you if they looked fat? Come on-they looked fat!  Admit it! Ok, I admit it -I looked fat but God help you if you say I did! Or maybe someone has asked you if you could see their gray or age lines. Don't go there! Those are trick questions, right?


What are you lying to yourself right now about? Are you avoiding guilty puddles? The strongest denial is self denial. We have all suffered from it. Our love doesn't feel the same about us anymore but your denial says your relationship is perfect. In fact, he bought you roses last week. Patrick Dempsy is a wife beater compared to your love, right? Self denial has the ability to become a mirage. You can feel, taste, see, and hear it. Self denial it is the worst chronic condition.


Self denial was my best friend for over ten years. It got closer to me at times than my husband. It lied to me and comforted me and helped lies pour out of my mouth.  It was strong and filled my ego. It was always by my side.  At most times, it help dry my many guilty puddles and saved me from destructive behaviors. I think it was my self denial that saved me from echoing Nicholas Cage's behavior in "Leaving Las Vegas".  

Have you ever been in denial about anything? Are you always truthful? Has being truthful always been easy? It is also interesting to know, who's truth is it? Truth in your eyes or truth from other people?
How do you know the truth is valid and can be proven?

Well, my denial is short. I avoided the truth because I could not handle it. I still can't and neither can other people in my life. I think my reaction to my issue is not unusual. I don't think anyone else would of faced it either. How have you reacted when you heard troubling news? How do you deal with hard truths? Please share your story as a comment below.

 I denied what was happening me like an alcoholic denies drinking daily or a drug user only does drugs on the weekends. I, too, did not want to face facts. I have MS. I had MS. I will always have MS. No, I don't have IBS like the doctors told me. I had MS. No, I wasn't born with short ureters and no, I did not need surgery. I had MS.  I was not tired because I was lazy. I had MS. Denial looked so good like a cold Pepsi after pulling weeds on a hot day. Denial had the angels singing behind it and promised success, love, and constant acceptance. Denial made me feel safe. Denial made everyone else in my life feel better about me. Denial kept worry away and gave me happiness. Denial gave me control.


Is there something in your life that is left best as a secret or is there a fact that can stay hidden in order to protect others? Don't you wish that certain truth came with warning labels?

 Warning! The information you are about to hear may or may not be true. It all depends on what you about to believe. It is considered hurtful and it is not recommended that you share it with others (or at home). Those with medical conditions and those that are too young to hear certain facts should leave the room. Enjoy the discussion and you may not want to live with the truth at home. The following information should stay in denial.

What information would go great with this warning?


So there are people who can not handle the truth. I could not handle the reality of a chronic condition and the world doesn't know how to handle me either. So what is the best approach?  How is it best to handle someone who deals with physical issues daily? Do loved ones really need to know how bad it is?  How can people understand that things can change like by the hour? How do you let people know that you are learning how to deal with new challenges and so should they?


So I fell this weekend. I was walking in 100 degree temperature and trying to make it appear that I had a normal nervous system and I was a normal baseball mom. Denial! So I feel face first, no bend in the knees or anything and lo and behold knocked the wind out of myself.  People in the outside world, do not know about MS. Strangers wanted to call an ambulance, give me water, and most of all panic. I just wanted to crawl into a hole.


Family want the best for me and find it hard to hear the debilitating symptoms. I have trouble telling them because really, what can they do? Besides, denial is on my side and it is not that bad right? My son that to me this weekend too. I thought I was losing the ability to write and the ugly truth behind my denial was peeking its head out and I began to cry in front of my kids. Later, I found a note from my son saying "it could be worse!" I can't handle the truth but at times, I feel it is the worst compared to when I was in control or when I was in denial.


What are you in denial about? Is it doing you good? It helped me get a great career, have two terrific kids, and start a graduate degree. Denial isn't all bad I guess. I at times, can't handle the truth, don't want to tell the truth, or live in the truth. Can you relate? Please comment.

Help! The Kids are Almost Out!

Another school year is over. Next year Middle School and a challenging academic year for the boy!

Do you have kids? If not, will the summer season still pose a challenge? Scheduling usually possesses a problem. You want to get it all in usually eight short weeks. Oh, and don't forget the promise to yourself to relax and enjoy life. How will you find time for that?

Even if you don't have a chronic illness, summer can be a chaotic time of year. It might be hard to be at work when you feel you really should be doing something more exciting and for some more rewarding. Maybe money will be a problem. There is a chance many of you might not be able to enjoy the season because you just can't afford take time off work or you have suffered a job loss. Well, speaking from experience, you can't afford not to enjoy the upcoming season.

I remember working at the office and staring at the sky wondering what was I doing? Was making money for other people more important than enjoying the time I had left on earth? I mean I only have 40 years left! I happen to know that to be true! It didn't seem right to be indoors and not enjoy the opportunities that lay beyond closed doors.

My mind's eye is fading into a memory ten short years ago when I was working for a newspaper distribution company. Silly me agreed to work on the 4th of July. I remember the magical lights that lit up the dark sky. The sounds of people's laughter echoes through the windows. Car horns cheered on the sonic booms that shook the walls and frightened my coworkers. I recall the frustration and disgust as I thought, "really, instead of being out there enjoying the atomic sky, people are calling this newspaper company to complain?". What was worse was that I sat behind my glass cubicle taking their call and listening to their arrogant and condescending voice. Was a newspaper that important? It was that night that I realized that the world has too many lonely and small-minded people. After working for this company, I know now that spoiled children only grow up to be spoiled adults. There had to be a better way to live and there was. I was called to be a teacher and today I heard another calling, I felt the urge to help a friend.

It really is no big deal but a friend was feeling ill today. Her eyes were swollen due to allergies and her sinuses were plugged. She looked tired and she really belonged at home but this woman is a fighter. Her endurance should be bottled and sold! She would be rich!  I could tell she just felt miserable. Despite her agony, she continued to fulfill her duty as a team mom. I felt the call to help her and she didn't even ask! She showed me endurance and I guess she helped me accomplish my goal today. Don't remember my goal?  See the first blog. The team mom is aware of my RRMS but accepted my help and gave me a simple job to do. While I felt the task was no big deal she was eternally grateful. I finally got to understand the other side of things. Now I understand how others feel when they help me. As soon as they help me I always seem to have guilty puddles lying around. Life is better because of their help but there is always guilt that is left behind (see guilty puddles). Tonight I learned what it means to help someone and it is "no big deal".

Have you ever felt called to do something? It may have not been magical but you probably left feeling better about yourself than you did before you felt that special call. I enjoyed every year that I taught and I was always given the opportunity to teach something different every year. Despite the MS, I still continue to tutor and instead of a paycheck, I have been paid in spaghetti sauce, crab dinners, and items from Sam's.

I think we are all called to do something in life.  I guess the lesson from tutoring and volunteering is that you don't need to be paid in order to feel rewarded. I would be interested to hear what callings people have done in their lives. I once heard on the news of a man who has worked a job in all 50 states and wrote a book on his experiences.
Again, the school year is over and I am being called to be the best at home mom I can be. There will be long days filled with swimming ear, complaining children, sand in bathing suit bottoms, stiff legs, sunburn, begging, fighting, cuddling, time together, star filled skies, crickets chirping, birds singing, looking for gold under a rainbow, embracing God's beauty, and life long memories made. I am going to enjoy every minute of it. Won't you join me?

You should be able to post now!

I had to change the settings-please comment!