According to Encarta the World Dictionary, some of the definitions of acceptance is defined as:
- act of willingly taking gift: the willing receipt of a gift or payment
- willingness to believe: willingness to believe that something is true
- coming to terms with something: the realization of a fact or truth and the process of coming to terms with it
- toleration: the toleration of something without protest
This blog entry is going to examine these definitions and I am asking for comments regarding your interpretation of the word "acceptance". What is your acceptance story? How has acceptance been a challenge in your life?
The first definition could easily relate to my goal to feeling inspired daily. The last three years has given me the opportunity to investigate myself and my life. Had I not been diagnosed with this autoimmune disease, I might have always classified myself as a teacher, mom, or wife. Now I classify myself as just Joy. How do you identify yourelf? Do you feel you are nothing without your job, spouse, or hobby? Please let me know.
The second definition states that acceptance is "the willingness to believe". This has baffled me since I started the journey with MS. If I am not willing to belive the MS exists does this mean, it is not true? I fell on this thought pattern for years. It helped me with denial. I felt that if I did not believe MS. MS would never be a reality. Unfortunately, MS is an unseen monster has a weapon that causes it to disappear at any time. It gives the false reality that it really does not exist. This uunique weapon allowed me to believe for many years that MS was unreal. The things that happen to me were a fluke. MS also has the power to reappear at any time and lately, the monster reappears every day. Today I am left with no choice but to believe. On the other hand, I also believe in God, growth, and doing my best. This belief pattern has also been a good tool against the invisible monster but it has not defeated it.
The third definition notes "coming to terms with something". I believe this is the part of acceptance that I am in. I am coming to terms with limited walking and severe fatigue. I am coming to terms that I can't be super mom like other at home mothers. I am also coming to terms with the fact that I will never work again. This disease is a dictator without logic. It comes and goes as it pleases It does not believe in democracy and you can not reason with it. There are no vacations. It can very frusturating.
The final selected definition in this blog discusses "toleration". This is part of the acceptance definition that I refuse to recognize. I am not being inspirational here but realistic. I feel toleration is giving in. I do not accept that people have to act different around me. I do not accept that part of me is gone. I do not accept that my thoughts and feelings are only because of the disease. My thoughts and feelings are because of meand have nothing to do with my nervous system. They are mine and they are real.
Listen, acceptance is mandatory in any throws in life such as: death of a family member, loss of a job, losing a love or a friend, or dealing with a diagnosis of any sort.
Acceptance for me has come in the form of my arthritis...I decided that taking my kids to Disney World this year was key beacuse I wanted to for a long time and because I don't know if I'll really be able to walk in the years to come. Acceptance for me was knowing that I had to use a scooter or ECV while I was there because I cannot walk for long periods of time across the parks. But I learned something about myself while I was "disabled"; I am still a great mom, my kids love and and had a great time dispite my helpful vehicle. I am ok with people giving me dirty looks for using one since they cannot see any visible disability. AND my poor foot and knees do not define who I am. My family and I had a great time, made great memories and will continue to do so. I may not be able to hike the mountains I wanted to, or ride through the Grand Canyon, but I can still give my family, me...and that's what counts!
ReplyDeleteI think of acceptance as living with Grace. It is dealing with what each day in life brings me without resisting it or pushing away. It means knowing my own truth and not allowing the 'details' of my life or environment to change my truth. Acceptance is 'retelling' my story in a way that I continue to feel empowered and inspired to be as happy as I can given the situation.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth Kubler-Ross created a model to explain the stages of grieving. It's easy for most people to understand that grieving occurs with the death of a loved one or tragedy, but grieving also occurs with the loss of a limb or receiving a new diagnosis. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Notice that acceptance is the last stage in the process and it takes some work to get there.
My mom has MS and that is hard to accept. She has good days and bad days, good months and bad months, and even some years that go more smoothly than others. I have learned that with a chronic disease, like MS, the grieving process is never complete. As symptoms progress or relapse the patient and the caregivers cycle through the various stages. Even within one day we can go from denial to anger to acceptance and back again.
Joy, I love your last line in this article. You capture what is the most important. That is not to let your personal grieving get in the way of loving or receiving love from your family. It's important to create a language that all can use to share how they are feeling and where they are on this spectrum.
I wish you deep healing, peace, and thriving for you and your family.
Wow-both of these comments were a great ending to the day. For once in a long time-I felt not alone in my suffering. This does not mean that I do not get unconditional love from everyone around me but I did not feel alone in my symptoms.
ReplyDeleteReally thank you both and please keep reading!
Thriving with MS do have a blog or anything?
joym@wideopenwest.com
Well, Joy, this is a tough question. I, personally, can only accept what I do not have the power to change. Accepting that God is the one in control is probably my biggest "acceptance accomplishment" to date.
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